They need to be met in their emotional place rather than be responded to from a rational place; they want their feelings heard. Defensiveness escalates conflicts. Avoiding accountability, we perpetuate a cycle of distance, hurt, and mistrust. Maybe later we can explain what happened — when emotions have calmed. Our partner might be more inclined to soften if he or she hears such a heartfelt apology.
And if our partner is not receptive, at least we can know we did our best to offer a sincere apology. We all miss the boat sometimes. As our self-worth grows, we can take responsibility for our actions without being burdened by the toxic shame created by self-blame. A sincere apology requires strength and humility. It requires that we rest comfortably or perhaps a little awkwardly in a place of vulnerability. Most important, it requires that we recognize and heal the deep-seated shame that can trigger angry, reactive responses.
There is freedom in the acceptance of pain caused. It is not always easy to admit a wrong, but it is a simple task that can be greatly beneficial. When apologizing becomes difficult, there is help. Making an amends is not always acceptance of harm caused; it is freedom for both people to live your life and let go. This can be one of the best investments you make in yourself and relationships. A therapist can help facilitate conversations that seem overwhelming to have by yourself.
Whether that is through individual therapy to help you come to terms with the hurt you have caused and what to do next or in family therapy which can be two or more family members meeting together with a therapist to talk through the hurts in a faciltated, productive way. You can even try therapy with a friend if you have a relationship that is struggling and want to figure out a way to mend your friendship together with outside support.
Denver Metro Counseling is a group of clinicians who provide therapeutic support for teens, adults, parents, and families. We help people learn to heal relationships and provide individual, family and yes, even friend counseling. Having healthy relationships can take some work and learning how to apologize and make amends is a beautiful part of of the journey together.
Single Blog Title This is a single blog caption. Skip the word but. Keep the focus on what you did. Be concise. Avoid blame or identifying who started it. Take corrective action. Make a pattern change. Use an apology as a conversation starter, not a finisher. Be considerate. Evaluate whether sorry is enough. Communication , Parenting , relationships. Share Post:. Practicing Gratitude Has Many Benefits.
When we apologize to someone, they will want to express their feelings about the situation. Let them talk. Listen to their feedback. We may learn something new about the situation or other ways to correct it. While following these steps may not lead to immediate forgiveness, it starts the healing.
Open up a dialogue if there is confusion about an issue. Second, my feelings are based on actual events that transpired, which should be the focal point of the conversation. When we have been wronged, what we need most is validation for our feelings and some proposal for how justice will be restored.
An empty apology will never give you that, but a toxic person will go one step further— that person will get defensive, deny any wrong, and try to gaslight you. These individuals will try to blame-shift and threaten you, leaving you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. In a truly healthy relationship, when a conflict arises, you work through it together and in the end feel like you have developed a better understanding for one another.
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